I have been wanting to write a blog post for a while now but have felt that something has held me back. What has been holding me back and what am I struggling with has been going round and round in my mind. Do you ever have those times when you cannot get the thought out of your head. It feels as if it takes over and can feel overwhelming. 

I wondered am I just procrastinating, putting it off till tomorrow only tomorrow never comes. I knew I felt awful and guilty because I was not getting the task done, that did not make it any easier to complete the task. I looked at what is it to procrastinate and found that a study in 2013 by Dr Pychyl and Dr Sirois uncovered that procrastination can be explained by people been more focused on “immediate urgency of managing negative moods “rather than completing the task. In simple terms we want to soothe our negative emotions, stop them from feeling so intense or try to get rid of them rather than doing what we need to do. 

This study got me thinking. It may be that I find the task unpleasant or could it be deeper feelings connected with the task such as self-doubt, low self-esteem, or anxiety. Then it hit me like a lead balloon, I was staring at a blank page, and I felt intense fear. Thoughts racing through my head like who is going to want to read my blog post? What if I fail? What if it’s not good enough? Then thoughts followed like I am going to be exposed, I am going to be real and show me and what if that’s not enough? The main feeling for me was feeling I was not good enough and I felt the fear within the pit of my stomach where I felt sick, my heart was racing, my legs felt heavy, and the feeling of no don’t do this, you need to protect yourself, you don’t want to feel the pain of getting hurt, of not been enough, it felt all encompassing. 

I recognised I was striving for perfection, I needed to aim higher to do more to ensure that this blog was nothing less than perfect. I had such high expectations of myself that was driving me, and I know if I carried on it would wear me out and would burn me out. Can you relate this to your life in the areas where you are placing high expectations on yourself and expecting nothing less than perfection. 

We need to learn to operate from a place of ease that is free from punishing self-standards and this can help us to achieve more by been our authentic self. We can have grace for others who are struggling in perfection but can have double standards when it comes to ourselves. The inner critic part of us rises within us and reminds us of our failures and how we need to do more, push ourselves reach that level of perfection where everything in our world will be ok then, only we never reach that place. Or if we do manage to reach those high standards then we can only rest for so long before the goal posts move, and we must aim higher and push ourselves even more. 

If we carry on trying to be perfect, we run the risk of becoming like a machine and it is a complete waste of energy. We need to learn how to heal the part of us that is hurting and learn to make good choices. Shift the way we pursue our goals from force, punishment and unreachable goal posts to flexibility, sustainability, and celebration of the process. 

Perfectionism reminds us that we are not meeting the standards, which then offers shame and pain if we don’t meet those high benchmarks, we get caught up in a continuous loop. We cannot get away with thinking we did well, it provides negative self-talk, judgement and fear of failure and prompts us of the hoops we have to jump through to please others for their acceptance, belonging and approval. By thinking in this manner, it robs us of our time, energy, money and takes me out of the present moment and into a negative spiral where we are worrying about failure and how not to go that place again. 

We need to transform the expectations we place on ourselves and let go of perfection by befriending ourselves with an inner voice of gentle encouragement accountability and learning to enjoy the process. Transform perfectionism from winning to trying, alter focus from outcome to process, from comparison to alignment with our own path. 

Has perfectionism taken you to where you want to go?

The pressure we put on ourselves under to be perfect, unrealistic high expectations we have to live up to, overthinking on mistakes, deep seated fear of failure, been judged, rejected, abandoned by others, cannot accept mistakes, fear of been an imposter, judged, not knowing the answer, fear of not showing up and not been the real you, fear of showing up and not been enough, fear of getting it wrong. 

What does the list bring up for you? 

The fear of perfectionism leaves us stuck in our comfort zones and we then put off our own growth as its too risky. The voice of fear is so loud that we will do whatever it takes to quiet the voice by making promises that we won’t leave our comfort zones. We trade living in the present to living in our own heads and end up listening to the voice of fear and we put off what we want to do. However, in the end in our comfort zones we feel discomfort as eventually boredom, loneliness, stagnation arises, and we know there is potential inside of us that we are not achieving. 

Our imperfections make us who we are, they help others connect to us and reminding myself that being imperfect is how I can connect with people through our shared flaws and failures. I know this inside but it’s hard to accept this. When I am frightened of failure or being rejected, I can convince myself that if I was perfect or good enough, then everything will be ok. I have learnt the hard way this way of thinking does not help me, nor will it help you, it only leaves me feeling worse. As you can get stuck in this loop and its hard to break free. 

Real life is messy, and it’s the failures, the lows and the highs which can be the catalyst for new ideas and kindling creativity. Perfectionism is a creativity killer, and it could have kept me from ever trying to write this bog post because I might not be perfect at it or good enough. Then I became aware that it was either perfectionism or connection, as people cannot relate or connect to a machine and that’s what I could become if perfection is my goal. I need to be vulnerable and real to make those connections and embrace my humanity and give up the desire to be perfect. As it is through our vulnerabilities and been real that we connect to each other, where you can see the real me and know if I can accept myself where I am right now then you may be able to accept you right where you are. 

If I am practicing accepting myself and my imperfections and offering the parts of myself that are hurting love and compassion then perfectionism and procrastination cannot hold me back as it will no longer be important for me to hold myself to impossible standards and high expectations, so, I can let go. I can let others see my flaws, failures and see the parts of me that feel not good enough. I can choose to distance myself from those negative thoughts instead of letting them boss me around, I can focus on what is important to me and move forward in my own path rather than comparing with others.  So, I made the decision to start where I am, not to wait any longer, to not have all the pieces in place, to make that connection with you now and not put it off any longer. 

We are all climbing our own mountain and from my vantage point on my mountain I can see things on your mountain that you might not see such as obstacles and areas where you may need to navigate. So, if you need some support please get in touch and start the process to see your potential in you grow.